Just in case there’s any confusion, unlike @XKCD, I do not want you to punch me in the face. Ever. For any reason. With or without warning.
Is it a Texas thing for waiters to say “welcome back” on your 1st visitor do I have a guacamole-loving doppelgänger around here?
Monthly Reports: After a 6.9% increase in March, we unfortunately dropped 3.2% in April for Days Per Month. We expect May to recover nicely.
Confirmed: HomeSnap does not work with houseboats from the water. t.co/MwbixYBF
Just logged my 1st geocache. Trying to decide if I want another obsession. t.co/CJCfXyUs
Thought Leader. t.co/lBDe6dZq
I’m going to hang this above my bed. t.co/0jK7rPUz
Kayaking alone in a shipping channel for 3 hours, no problem. Haircut - cut ear & a surprising amount of blood for a surprisingly long time.
This is a day off. t.co/GCWvu5jH
In cafe, song matches 1 in my playlist. Cool! Then 2nd - Wow. 3rd - Weird. 4th - Huh. 5th - Check phone to see if I’ve been hacked, leave.
Piling up road trip possibilities - found out about a fake Germany to go with the fake England I had on the list.
I like the invention pitches on Shark Tank. We see that a ton of people agreed with the Insane Clown Posse that magnets are a miracle.
The weirdest aspect of Nigerian scam emails is how often they don’t realize putting “Nigerian” in there kills any chance of it working.
I’m calling this Summer. t.co/gl7FjmS8
Found art, in the rain. t.co/iQDTYmx4
Mileage. Footage. Nice terms like these are the only way the imperial system is superior to the metric one. Kilometerage? Meterage?
Little did we realize, Albert is such a huge Cardinals fan that he decided his best move was to remove $240M from an opponents’ payroll.
What part do you not understand? t.co/iqK2yU7L
So far Gnomeo & Juliet has taken a few liberties with the original, but I have to assume they left the ending alone.