Dave

I don’t have daytime and nighttime iPhones, but I do use a separate peanut butter knife and a jelly knife. #livingthedream

Thinking of taking a PROBIOTIC because it anagrams to ROBOTIC PI.

The fun way to do the MLB PED suspensions would be forcing one full season at AAA or below (with corresponding salary drop).

In the future we’ll take short vacations to alternate universe lines. First up, the one where biting your cheek doesn’t make it swell.

We can all agree they were kind of phoning it in with “a note to follow So”, right?

.@jamieswb Next filmumentary suggestion: Caddyshack!

It’s still legal to discriminate on the basis of a chosen email provider, right?

Just noticed that Calvin & Hobbes is just A A Milne’s stories plus adults to ruin the fun.

Lost the royal baby naming pool. I was sure they’d pick His Royal Highness Aiden Braden Caden of Cambridge.

So, given that they’re technically non-profits, it’s not a million dollar idea, but still, some Christian church needs to rename: First OMG.

I’m going to get ahead of the curve and start spending all day staring at my wrist.

It’s a shame major league baseball teams have no other means of monetization than selling intrusive ads over the background of team sites.

Sad that Law & Order star Dennis Farina died before his 18th birthday: t.co/vNB9miC0z…

Waiting to hear that Lucas is going to take on the Leonard prequels.

What’s the highest paying job almost everyone assumes they’d be good at? I vote movie trailer voice over.

Didn’t have four quarters for the pay changing table (!) in the men’s room, so the whole airport gets a show.

Maybe I wouldn’t have set the Target Back To School commercial to Salt-N-Pepa’s Push It.

Art Idea: A Personal Raincloud version of the MOMA Rain Room, where the storm clouds only follow you around. t.co/5eLx110U2…

Shouldn’t morning be called the unevening? Or maybe the crookeding.

I’m glad we don’t have to manually teach our kids how to speak because I’m not sure I could explain how a B sound is made vs a P sound.

I’d pay $100 for a space pen with built-in sensor to tell my phone where I left it.

✅ Never paste the text with the formatting. Ever. Seriously.

I’m doomed to sleep with the same song stuck in my head forever after discovering my kid cracks up at my a cappella of Don’t Worry Be Happy.

I guess the flag was invented somewhere windy.

Waiting for the Wayne’s World update where they end every sentence with “said no one” in place of “NOT.”