Dave

Managed to get through all of school without once getting a wet willy & then got one from @___ tonight.

Dear autocorrect: if I type “abou tit”, I probably mean “about it”, not “about tit”.

How long till we get an oldies station focused on last year’s hits?

Nothing more suspenseful than late night can-I-put-the-toys-away-without-triggering-a-crazy-loud-song.

Uh oh, @___ has figured out my weakness. He can keep doing whatever he wants for as long as he wants to if he just keeps giggling.

Time to refill the nightmare inventory: t.co/9Mv8mTV26…

Keeping up the mediocre on my couch while the @mediocrelabs crew watches the Mavs from a less than mediocre suite: t.co/8kll2x17C…

Someone should republish all public domain fiction as “realistic editions” where they edit in all the bathroom breaks necessary.

Why are Amazon Web Services at amazonaws? Shouldn’t they be at amazonws?

.@anildash This was really confusing to me for a minute: t.co/Ofm35Aupg…

Heard about the Mavs’ Carter sinking a last-second 3 to win the game & immediately thought, I’ll have to look for the gif of that.

I mocked up a version of @geoguessr I’d like to see the @marscuriosity team try out: t.co/adPrJZXu5…

I’m sure @BrendanEich just loves that @gchahal said getting fired for violent domestic abuse is “similar to the Mozilla CEO debacle”.

There’s A Monster At The End Of This Book is a pretty accurate metaphor for how most of us spend our lives.

Because if you’re not favoriting half a dozen people a day, you’re either not reading many tweets or you’re following the wrong people.

Interesting to see @jack hasn’t updated to the new Twitter profile yet.

I would watch Jurassic Park with audio commentary from paleontologists outlining everything they got wrong (or that we now know is wrong).

Embarrassed to realize that I tweet three times more than I fave. Seems like that should be reversed. It’s like a personality quiz result.

Sunrise. t.co/OvTlpIEmc…

What app best solves where-in-this-store-is-my-wife?

I appear to have set Photoshop to open images at a 0.081% zoom, which is handy for something I’m sure.

Just had a glimpse of my future, destitute, holed up in an alley, “I blew my fortune trying to find the right pillow.”

Never buy argyle socks that don’t bother to stay argyle down to the toes.

The only bad thing about these huge marathons, with friends running, is it makes me feel like a jerk complaining my back hurts from sitting.

So @mediocrelabs was suddenly followed by what appears to be a few dozen self-identified moms into MLM. Because…what?