Dave

Last night after I insisted on getting @___‘s face clean, he rubbed it directly on the ground & yes I’m posting this to embarrass him later.

You know the @cardinals are doing well when they’re -0.5 games back: t.co/vTMlUKGgX…

But it happened to me, in my neighborhood search, after my son fell. Thankfully Google maps worked perfectly.

Hey Apple, searches for Urgent Care shouldn’t bring up animal hospitals. This example’s in Cupertino: t.co/F6CC6ZL5k…

At Six Flags, the most fun ride so far for @___ has been the speed bumps in the parking lot. “Bumpy bump!”

It took 176 days but my @alltheminutes dream finally came true: t.co/c733UvaC0…

Kung Fury is out, you should watch it now: t.co/T7bqxnons…

Bartles & Jaymes don’t exactly seem like wine-cooler-drinking type of guys is something I would’ve tweeted thirty years ago.

Him: “Daddy, do you know this song?” Me: What are some words? Him: “when we go out the door.” t.co/iu9B2Hf7k… (The Elevator Song)

Headed out to discard the dead possum in my yard & remembered the 2 things I know of possums: 1) they play dead. 2) they can have rabies.

Hey, it turns out I’m second best in the world (for the day) at a game almost none of my friends play! t.co/KNKU9OtFL…

Welcome to my most RT’d mention from the last 30 days. 1500 RTs and counting! Thanks Twitter Analytics! t.co/EBJWay41M…

We’ve been trying out different times for some live streaming over at Meh. Like: right now - t.co/2UDCh6nbT…

Want to feel like you’ve really made it? Use separate knives for the peanut butter and the jam.

I assume Jony Ive was just holding us all hostage with discoveryd until he got the promotion he demanded.

Scars are the compression artifacts of human healing.

Busting apart the stuff we sell at t.co/gSdlnvhvr… is sometimes (ok, usually) cooler than the stuff itself: t.co/SNMmXuwUH…

Maybe now Ive will have the authority to get rid of those ridiculous animated emoji.

Any time you get lucky maybe it’s really that time traveling you from the future came back and fixed that thing just right.

Just in case you were wondering, X is the most painful letter to step on barefoot.

It makes no sense to do a Twitter poll using RTs as one vote and faves as another. RTs inherently multiply.

A Twitter bot that finds two people saying their kid/dad/uncle is the best in the world and gets them to fight.

After I get to know people I follow on Twitter more, I add them on Facebook. I wonder if this is typical.

Easy to spot a bad kids app: it doesn’t support multi-touch. Kids love moving two (or more) things around at once.

RIP, but “inspiring” & “amazing” are not the right words, regardless of his work. t.co/aHjSdpGfi… t.co/yG6R0zX6p…