Million dollar idea - Key sheath, so you can use your key without it ever being visible, lest thieves take a photo and 3D replicate it.
“A decision,” I told @___, “is like choosing if you want your pillow at your head or your feet.” A year later, it’s at his feet every night.
Over the weekend I gained 2000 new followers. Most handles start with a Z. No followers. But no eggs. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ t.co/e4xyY6nWW…
It should be a requirement that every candidate-backed anti-Trump ad or speech end with “but I’ll support him if he’s the nominee.”
Finally, a way to show emotion with our faces: t.co/hPlrz0nE9…
Wow, figured out this crazy life hack to get ready for bed in half the time. Step one: stop looking at your phone.
The only way to eat a sandwich. t.co/qVVptPDVq…
I assume Trump has just told every candidate individually that if they endorse him he guarantees he will pick them as his running mate.
A supercut of every time someone hangs up the phone without saying “Bye” or “I’ll talk to you later” or “Ok, we’re done talking.”
Who decided that Project Mercury was a good name for a space project that had absolutely nothing to do with Planet Mercury?
This year we’re deciding if in 20 years we’ll say “can you believe that was in a debate?” or “I can’t believe people were shocked by that.”
I deleted the YT Music app because it somehow tricked me into tapping my foot along to some Justin Bieber.
Savor that moment between thinking a “smart” jump rope is totally idiotic, and thinking you might one day buy one: t.co/bsiEB1eaa…
I love interpreting what’s going on in the debate solely from your tweets about it. It’s like Plato’s Cave, but a lot funnier.
I…think this is wrong. Isn’t it wrong? I think it’s wrong. Now I don’t know. But I think it’s wrong. t.co/B2Ykc08IW…
Time travel is going to totally mess up powerpoint presentation up-and-to-the-right progress graphs.
Based on the behavior of other recent Republicans who criticized Trump, we should expect a Romney endorsement in six days.
You’re really making me want to give you money, @chicagotribune: t.co/PmFsfa7Rn…
This hurts me. t.co/z1AqCTBpP…
A site where you type in a word that’s not really a word but you don’t know what word you should use & it tells you what word you should use
My prediction: Trump: “I choose as my running mate…Hillary Clinton!” Clinton: “What? No way. Of course not.” Trump: “Too late, it’s done.”
Had an odd moment of thinking through 80s hits to try to remember where I could find @mathowie’s Slack color themes: t.co/qmByJ39If…