Dave

I consider it a mental victory if I can make it a full day in a house with stairs without counting the stairs as I go up.

Looking for dinner but may pass on the Kernville Steakhouse: t.co/lhqPhYEwq… “Prime rib is available every night generic cialis!”

If you were programming the human race and saw all these crossed arms, you’d consider some hardware change.

I think I’m going to set this as auto-reply to all future work emails: “Good idea. What are the next steps?”

I’m really happy to be able to just hit “like” on other people’s emails & preemptively furious over anyone just hitting “like” on my email.

I miss being at super-long Cardinals games when the stadium DJ gets to play all the “After Midnight” type songs.

I wonder how hard I’d have to work to get my son’s first words to be “Hello World.”

Midnight sun. #cameranoir t.co/tJm0wvmLI…

Keyhole in Proposal Rock (with Camera Noir). t.co/KrBbaVQZe…

I get the meaning, but putting all your eggs in a variety of different baskets doesn’t necessarily seem like the best plan either.

I know it’s self-centered, but I think a good name for the shortest river in the world would be _.

In 1940 Oregon had a contest to name the shortest river in the world. “D” won. I guess they wanted the shortest name in the world.

So @snapster referred to my iPad’s 30-pin connector as the “old-fashioned” one, which I think is one step away from “antique.”

Little known fact: President Taft had a crab for a right hand. t.co/DsnKrBFnY…

New goal: establish a media empire, so one day we can interview @mat and list his name as Man Human.

I can’t believe I forgot to pack my diaper-changing skirt again! t.co/ah5aBYolu…

A Facebook filter that auto-hid any posts with 1000+ comments or likes would do wonders.

My son’s name just autocorrected to Fine Ham, which I think is great.

For some reason LinkedIn recommended all I connect with all of your parents. So if I come up in Sunday’s weekly phone call, that’s why.

Somehow even a loudly crying random infant makes me miss my kid.

If you see this many signs for one button, they blew it. t.co/v3MJ3FAsh…

They should do a Deadliest Catch follow-up, where they follow the crab to a restaurant & a kid spits it on the floor and says “Yuck!”

I’m comfortable speaking in front of large groups, but I still get flustered trying to set an appointment with Siri before she dings off.

I wonder how much time-with-seatbelt-sign-on varies per airline. It certainly seems like some keep it on well beyond any turbulence.

I think the exact right amount of famous to be is the level where @michaelianblack will get in a Twitter fight with you.