Dave

Twitter 2016, in book form: t.co/wx2ml3LMI…

I hope they’re not counting on me buying their stuff, because I have no idea what Siemens does except sponsor Spaceship Earth. But, hey, 👍!

I bet sea lions are pissed off that the other ones aren’t called “land lions”.

Good thing I got a fancy thermostat. t.co/F84u4vYwF…

Well, I think the little pig that managed to build a full home out of just straw is the impressive one.

A locked Twitter account with no followers as an intentionally restrictive personal diary is an excellent idea. t.co/ZajtZpv2P…

“I’m sorry,” I said, “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the sock industry.”

“If you’re breaking the law, you legally have to tell us.” t.co/OoqITSNAw…

Still thinking about what video game character various current & past @potus would’ve dressed up as for the Olympics.

I wish @snopes let you click a counter to keep track of how many times you successfully dissuaded someone from that thing they’d heard.

Sometimes I just want a Twitter-best-of: show me my same feed but hide anything that hasn’t gotten at least one like.

I love how different and how same they can be, at the same time. t.co/eh9Ia0LPw…

I can’t believe Texas is ok with the largest mattress size being a California King.

Finally. t.co/yEPoiMwuA… t.co/W2WcmwOlr…

I wonder what the most often printed, least spoken words are. I bet one is: colophon.

I bet sarches for “turn iPhone emergency alerts off” are spiking in St. Louis after 4am & 5am alarms about flooding. t.co/lai1iazRF…

Is there some explanation for why sand volleyball appears to be the only Olympic sport with seemingly official cheerleaders?

Tomight, the “getting @___ to sleep” challenge rose to the “singing 99 bottles of [tea] on the wall” level of difficulty.

I didn’t mind the Pokestop at the cemetery entrance, but ones at random people’s gravestones is bizarre. t.co/aKOthDsmU…

I was skeptical about Lego’s “Lego Friends” non-minifig characters, but now I’m on 100% on board. t.co/27ITppDyE…

A bunch of pro baseball players are watching these Olympic sprinters and saying “they should really slide head first into that finish line.”

They’re trying so desperately to stay optimistic about humanity. t.co/vsKcaWUjo…

Ok, it’s now officially time to stop giving any value at all to the verified checkmark. t.co/Cuf00gNJw…

Can a journalist ask Trump if King George III was the founder of America?

Apple Watch 2 keynote: “We changed nothing. But it has an exclusive Pokemon Go app, with tracking.” Insane applause. [sold out for months]