Dave

The exact sentence where I decided I was not going to finish reading The Force Awakens novelization: t.co/3y7vKAI9c…

How long ago did people started putting “This Page Intentionally Left Blank” on blank pages? t.co/RYkvlbVtD…

The @cardinals go from 0.4% chance to win to 100% in 9 batters in the 9th. t.co/qquz8LTSL…

The Butterfly stroke is basically “swimming is too easy, let’s see if somehow we can make this crazy move work.”

It’s 2016 and the local community college thinks a class celebrating “Plantation cooks” is a good idea. t.co/ebDtwEoVF…

In WatchOS 3, push & hold crown to talk to Siri or push & hold side button to talk to 911. How many 911 calls will start with “Hey Siri”?

I’m glad we waited until @___ was old enough to interpret & follow pantomimed instructions before @__ & I locked ourselves out of the house.

Car Wash PR intern Kinkos PowerPoint & Web Design Web Design Co. Co-Founder Agency Creative Director @Woot Creative Director #FirstSevenJobs

It’s fun watching Olympic Judo with @___ as we have the same level of understanding of what the goal is & how you get points or win.

Find the two male nurses on Google image search for nurse. Like Where’s Waldo, but for occupational segregation. t.co/hEawMoZPc…

Summary of Season Two of Daredevil: t.co/F35cftiWv…

How has the internet not yet given me the Perfect Strangers Things mash-up trailer?

Who says voting isn’t fun? t.co/5y6UKxafW…

I’m surprised underscore.js isn’t still first, but it speaks more to Twitter’s Google score than anything I’ve done: t.co/fy6W1MvbO…

Right now @l & I are the only two humans as the 1st results for a single-character Google search. (Both for our twitter handles, of course.)

The shortest review of Stranger Things: I now take the trash out in the mornings.

Thanks, “Class of 2029” banner, for turning my walk in the park into an existential crisis.

Kanye’s mentions bring a whole new meaning to “don’t read the comments.” t.co/mlku5fQ3M…

If you think Pokémon Go is popular, wait until the version where you hunt ducks and deer.

Ready to see Bill lay down and swim out of the balloon ocean.

Hmm…I seem to be 19 years too late for a patent, but still haven’t ever owned a microwave like this: t.co/y8DTtWkNg…

Why can’t they make the microwave coils rotate so my food doesn’t have to?

A rare take that’s both throw-away fun and seriously thought provoking: t.co/TsQqjxN9N…

Asked @___ if he’d like to visit the kids activity center at Disney World & meet Captain Hook & he said “No way, Captain Hook is a bad guy!”

So far for @___, an A+ for understanding Battleship rules, and a C- guessing strategy. t.co/ouubw5GAd…