Dave

Hearing the couple words before I hit skip to next commercial forms a Burroughs-esque short fiction each ad break.

I’m at Bartell Drugs (Seattle, WA) t.co/1WWH8vKr

I’m at Cactus (Seattle, WA) t.co/mYALyAS9

The problem with misusing “literally” isn’t what it does to your point, but what it does to other, unbelievable but actually true, points.

I learned 1) who Demetria Lovato is (@ddlovato) 2) her fans are #lovatics 3) she accidentally tweeted to me (@_), freaking the Lovatics out.

Best @stevemartintogo songs he didn’t play: Let’s Keep the Minimum Wage Right Where She Is (a protest song) & Angry Birds Lvl 7.

I never go to any shows with people my age. (@ Chateau Ste. Michelle Winery for Emmylou Harris + more w/ 24 others) t.co/WTcjnuoQ

Another day at the consulate. t.co/7unr1jxk

Cancel your cancel? Ok your cancel? Cancel your ok? t.co/Rje14Iw5

All reality TV contests are based on the Miss America pageant.

Silly me thinking a light jacket would be warm enough to watch the sunset IN LATE JULY.

Pro-tip: it is almost never necessary to swing your car door all the way open into traffic. I’m not quite sure how that isn’t obvious.

Already thinking about how it will suck when @stubhub buys @seatgeek.

Hand drawn chalk menus add an extra half-star automatically. @ Athina Grill t.co/dN7RSR7k

When you pull up to a 4-way stop at the same time as someone else, just remember: tie goes to the runner.

Not sure how this works out: Seattle bans plastic bags, I now have to buy bags to throw out the cat litter.

Well, my “etc.” resolution failed. It lasted 14 hours, and I was asleep for about half of that.

I’m going to catch whatever fugitive must be running around my neighborhood, if only to stop these incessant helicopters & get some rest.

New resolution I’m going to attempt: this will be the last time I write “etc.”

Tortilla makers: photos of guacamole on the bag make me think the tortillas are moldy & throw them away. Or is that your dastardly plan?

RomCom Tom Hanks Trivia: Sleepless in Seattle ends with CGI Empire State Building & You’ve Got Mail starts with it. #mySaturdayNight

Weirdest traffic yet: The Running of the Bull-horned Shopping Carts.

Sometimes when I can’t sleep, I go get in the car and drive around the block a few times until I’m out.

Watched a 2-hour documentary in Monopoly & not a single mention of the auction rule. Bizarre “speed die” variant used in tournaments.

Starting a support group for people woken by foghorns at 3am. Not sure yet if it gets better.