Dave

AMBER Alert on my phone tells me to “Check local media” but links to nothing, seemingly expecting me to check on my TV for some reason.

My theory - Episode VII: Han. Episode VIII: Luke. Episode IX: Leia.

I’m happy because the t.co/FblwwffVC… forums now can embed tweets that have an underscore, a bug that probably only affected me.

Found a mysterious Hobbit door at Grant’s Farm. @ Grant’s Farm t.co/zxTDkl55U…

When cars are fully automated (ie, no steering wheel), what will the riding alone age be? Imagine seeing a car with only a 5-year-old in it.

I bet the worst part of being in the Mafia is murdering innocent people, but a close second is digging all those holes to bury the bodies.

A perfectly restored ‘50s car drove by while I got this & I’m thinking about what version of time travel I’m in. t.co/SZdf5yXHM…

Sometimes I don’t make a joke pun about a product or name because I know it will ruin my autocorrect forever.

Wild mustard @ Greenville, Illinois t.co/eP3y0CAzq…

Crescent, tree, happy baby, and bridge poses. #robotYoga t.co/O2XFPu6eU…

The trash compactor monster in Star Wars, according to @___, is named Oscar.

There should be Twitter account options to delete or auto-post all your drafts if you die.

Is there a term for Snapchat Face Swap-induced nightmares? t.co/7w5nv7tgB…

As a kid I thought we all had a set number of heart beats till death, so I worked at slowing my heart rate, to live longer.

Happy to see Matheny experimenting with lineup strategies, like tonight’s “longest name to shortest name” approach: t.co/H5FQFZyWO…

Twitter can be so bewildering. This tweet I made almost five years ago somehow got discovered today. t.co/3r7XGJQrl…

“What’s that probe droid’s name?” asks @___, as we read SW:ESB. I don’t think he has one, I say. “I’m going to call him Sunflower.”

Every time I see the Padres sponsored by Aladdin Bail Bonds I think of the Bad News Bears. t.co/UhmJXc3lF…

Definitely read @anildash’s Prince tweets today. I’ve also been rereading his song facts on Prince’s 56th birthday: t.co/l4LuMN8lp…

Movie idea: Jurassic Planet. Far in the future, dinosaurs again rule the world & start a zoo of cloned humans. They escape.

So do people really say “dub-dub-DC” for the Apple conference? Apparently Siri does, anyway.

An unexpected benefit of using Twitter & being lazy is that my Facebook posts are very short. (A benefit for my friends there.)

“We built a weapon that destroys stars.” Ok, let’s call it Star Destroyer. “We already named a ship that.” Ok, Death Star then. “Uh, well…”

“Popcorn is for helpers” I said to @___, and before I realized it, started giving a toddler the Glengarry Glen Ross speech.

People joke about the inauthenticity of Epcot countries. Our server in “England” had never heard of apple sauce. Had no idea what it was.