Dave

Dear people who use (: instead of :) for a smiley: What horrific thing happened to you to make you this way? Have you considered counseling?

I joined Twitter 8 years ago. Felt like I was late to the game at the time. @jkottke beat me here by 3 hours.

An unexpected, helpful, and tasty new Google feature: t.co/Mxp9mOzSD…

Happy Pi day (as far as they knew up to about 1650BC)!

Looking at pictures, @___ says “doggy” & then “catty” & I realize there’s no logical way to explain why people don’t say that for cats.

In the future, wedding vows will include a CAPTCHA, you know, just to be sure.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit after all these years, I never noticed that women only have one leg. t.co/Z6YLDRSbc…

This Pi day is all right, but March 14, 1592 was the best Pi day of all time. At least until 15,926AD.

Wish I’d thought to put a pedometer on @___ at his first step, so he could know a lifetime total.

Asked if I remembered Wild Kingdom, I said no. Then they said Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom & I did. That sponsorship really paid off.

(@anagramatron tweeted one half of a tweet, so I’m tweeting a possible other half)

The chunkier videodisc.

I wish I could reprogram my brain to get sleepy while playing games in bed instead of gaining complete-awakeness-super powers

A lot less griping about #sxsw in my feed this year. A) it got better B) you got used to it C) you finally stopped going?

This book says the opposite of fast is slow. But isn’t the opposite stopped? Or maybe fast in the other direction? #toddlerphilosophy

If you’ve wondered about the 808 drum machine, @jasontoon wrote an article on it at t.co/FblwwffVC… because we’re selling…headphones.

Queue the chorus of “If Apple wasn’t so busy trying to get this Watch out, this Apple ID crash wouldn’t have happened.”

Watched a bunch of old greeting card ads at the Hallmark factory which just must be filled with dust or something based on all the tears.

Figured out the trick to taking good naps: complete and utter exhaustion by noon.

Thanks, Apple, for that pleasant feeling of not urgently needing the new thing you showed off. Feels good.

The iPhone 9 won’t even have a screen because you will never take it out of your pocket.

Doing a withdraw for a down payment on the Watch. t.co/9J49F9tiX…

Huh, the Apple Watch Edition uses a bit more gold than I expected. t.co/tMGa0QWrY…

Even trash cans used to be a lot nicer @ Union Station Kansas City Inc. t.co/9WRFaQsji…

Tomorrow at Apple’s announcement: “You know how we said a thousand NOs for every YES? It turns out the Watch is a no. Thank you for coming.”