Dave

Prequel to The Big Lebowski: it’s a nonfiction documentary on the making of the rug.

So @__ just asked if the Xbox One is the older, first Xbox and I think a marketing person at Microsoft just got fired.

So it turns out all those capacitive gloves I got don’t help much when I’ve got Touch ID on.

I’m disappointed @BarackObama’s avatar isn’t wearing a @darth hat.

From a review on 5.25” Floppy Disks on Amazon: “These remind me of my grandfather.”

I’d back a Kickstarter project to Animated-GIFize the complete America’s Funniest Home Videos entries.

Hey @MaxTemkin, Cards Against Humanity should make a stealth edition, with cards that look like Apples To Apples cards. Wreak holiday havoc!

Free hip-hop name - guaranteed to get your call taken by a show promoter: Jay’s E.

Screw this reversible USB in 2016 idea. Why aren’t more plugs round, so you don’t even have to think about which way they are?

Million dollar holiday idea: you upload a photo of your house, you get mailed a kit of graham crackers, frosting & directions to make it.

A hitman has the rare job where the longer he procrastinates, the more likely his work gets completed.

Looks like @Cloudup solved the retina screenshot issue. I’d love to try them app out. t.co/W7biDI5o0…

Monty Python’s Black Knight page on Wikipedia has my favorite “See also” section: t.co/VSHBdzLU6…

RIP my Rick Roll on the footer of Amazon’s home page: t.co/5ht26fAID…

I made a little scene to celebrate our @darth holiday tradition: t.co/7t1AP6syQ…

Can we also get someone to trademark & enforce use of Black Friday & Cyber Monday so everyone can shut up about it? #alsodoorbuster

I hope drone deliveries get patented so you can avoid octocopter noise by just not living within 10 miles of an Amazon warehouse.

Paul McCartney has 8 grandchildren (Arthur, Elliot, Sam, Sid, Miller, Bailey, Beckett, Reiley) but sadly no Vera, Chuck, or Dave.

I’ll admit I didn’t expect to find a detailed tale of building a golf simulator interesting & yet here we are: t.co/LqEsEjpSd…

Take a moment tonight and enjoy the silence of not hearing dozens of buzzing drones delivering crap everywhere always.

I’m at First Watch - Webster Groves - @wgfirstwatch (Saint Louis, MO) t.co/oU4ptGXmM…

If I were Dusty Baker, every time I saw players practicing elaborate celebratory handshakes I’d walk up & whisper, I invented the High Five.

Crap, just realized the puppet shows I’m doing for @___ don’t pass the Bechdel test.

We went without a turkey today, so apparently for karmic balance a bird smashed into our front door.

Thinking about leaning to code the baby way: I try random things till the compiler tells me I’ve done something right.