Dave

Serious disappointment from the toddler that there are not real apples here. (@ Apple Store, Saint Louis Galleria) t.co/x0V1B8Oh3…

Does the economy still work when everyone is employed by @slackhq? (Congrats @ohheygreat!)

Every time they make a big change to DMs, it reminds me how few real DMs I get. Thanks, @twitter.

I say, if you live in Portland and pronounce the street Couch as “cootch” then you must use a soft G when you say GIF.

Extreme sliding at the local playground. (And I’m the dork measuring that it’s 41° on my phone’s level). t.co/DKZjRUOwK…

I bet the people at t.co/RiPK7qKOM… were surprised by the sudden burst of traffic. Oddly, looks to be…BMW? t.co/NoJKX0EaO…

When it becomes the norm for bathrooms to be gender-neutral full height stalls, what will the icons for bathrooms be?

Henning was a gateway Doug.

Camouflage t.co/7nCsIJZhy…

They don’t judge you for 11am beer samples at #grantsfarm. t.co/7yWz8t6xH…

I do like a good bitter beer. t.co/gcO46tmMv…

I’ve discovered that @___ dislikes fonts where the W is identical to an upside-down M.

So sad that everyone in Portland doesn’t get to experience tax-free-back-to-school-supplies weekend. It’s something to behold.

I watched the Republican debate the way the candidates would have wanted: via Periscope of @NormMacdonald & @kevin_nealon in a living room.

“I know you have that phone & your fingerprint for Apple Pay but since it’s over $25 I need you to scribble on this paper. For security.”

Does an opossum make a good pet? Seems unlikely, which is too bad, because I really want to have a pet opossum and name him Lorem opossum.

Surprisingly hard to Google a Sesame Street monster’s name from its looks. I triumphantly say “Murray!” & @___ says “No daddy. Telly.”

Twitter is great at keeping me up to date on the best parts of TV shows & events I don’t want to watch.

What if “simpleton” got redefined as a person who’s thoughtfully honed in on the important things in life?

130 years ago, even attic window latches had ornate details. t.co/WTGE5uzXD…

Remember when there were characters besides Minions? is what I imagine we’ll be saying in two years, tops.

Do bees eat honey? Asking for a kid.

Confused why the New Yorker article about the Portland earthquake was news to anyone in Portland since it’s at OMSI: t.co/IJnzF1bgi…

That thing where old Twitter joke formats go out of style & you wonder if it’s been long enough they’ve come back around to being nostalgic.

So the @cardinals & @mlb really think fans will still be watching games on cable TV (FoxSports) through 2030? That seems foolish to believe.