Dave

I love extremely place-specific signs. t.co/6ctsHSBSX…

Step 1: Copy “Headphone.jpg” Step 2: Paste into Photoshop

NAILED IT t.co/dRjftJc5o…

(I really need to rethink my bucket list items.)

Guess I can cross off “sell 10,000 pairs of sunglasses in half an hour” from my bucket list.

I’m mad at @united for being so awful I can’t reasonably complain about minor airline inconveniences any more.

Pro-tip: instead of using a sketchy service like unroll.me to keep your inbox in good shape, you can irresponsibly let it fall into decay!

I’m about to find out how much judgment people pass in hearing @___ wait patiently for me at the table by singing “99 bottles of beer.”

About twice a year someone likes a photo on t.co/LZnUdHVYc… and I remember Flickr exists.

Q: When does 20 = 154? A: When Amazon makes a list of “20 essentials” but can’t stop their obsession with selling everything ever. t.co/pA0ld8KCp…

Some day there will be someone on the Siri team at Apple who lived in St. Louis at some point & they will stop Siri from saying St. Louie.

A year after Twitter suspended my wife’s @__ account, they suspended the @___ account we reserved for my kid. I filed an appeal. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ t.co/uOgtPQCUk…

I’m surprised no one has (yet?) made an Atari 2600-style game about ET that’s actually good.

WALL•E is a good movie, but that first 30 minutes on Earth holds up as some of the best wordless cinematic storytelling ever.

I feel like Siri has slowly developed an attitude with me. t.co/KwMr6uBY1…

My kid’s old enough he’s asking me the tough questions - like why @tmbg’s Triangle Man keeps getting into all these fights.

The genius of The Shining is that, inevitably, at some point, your kid says something that sounds very much like “red rum red rum.”

Feeling some serious kids-these-days about this Easter Egg “hunt” t.co/ojKKRAzf6…

Kids’ bowling shoes should be steel-toed. (No feet were harmed in the making of this tweet.)

Well that escalated quickly. t.co/jKWzxYWOd…

It always feels so presumptuous when a company describes their own reminder as “friendly.”

Secret to a good t.co/Fblwwfxx1… April Fools: Last year’s had 50 CAPTCHAs. This year, everyone says “So much more fun than that!”

A ninja is a kind of turtle, @___ tells me.

Well, there goes my advantage of people getting to say more in replies to me than they can to almost any other Twitter user.

I’ll get video of @___ saying he wants to be each profession. He can use it in any job application as evidence he’s always wanted to do that

Who says bowling isn’t a team sport? t.co/HCzLfCEoJ…