Dave

Every time I’m setting up a new iPhone I’m shocked they still have the keyboard typing sounds on by default.

How much are thumb extensions?

I feel like I’m in Plato’s Cave trying to discern what the hell this Destiny game is solely from people’s tweets about it.

So what replaces tap at the top to scroll all the way up when none of us can reach the top?

Metal house numbers, browsable by font. How is that not a thing?

Discovering shadows with @___ #cameranoir t.co/z4WqrnmPc…

Looking into the best way to clean out all the plants on my front sidewalk, googled “weed crack” & now I’m on a watch list.

So, @___ asked the difference between the “hall” & the “hallway” and…I’ve got nothing. Why have I been wasting my life with that syllable?

Teaching @___ personal pronouns is shaping up to be a months-long rendition of Who’s On First.

SERVICE PUG! (cc @darth) t.co/eW8FPbmIg…

Is there a fantasy football league where you keep score by tracking fines and suspensions?

The Internet is pretty cool and all, but wow is indoor plumbing amazing.

An app reminding you why you followed someone: They followed you. Your friend RTd them. Recommended by @MagicRecs. They were in the news.

Restaurant idea: Every bite is a mystery meal, served in an individual tiny cloche, hand-delivered by one of a continuous train of waiters.

I’m guessing this may have been announced in the Cardinals press room: t.co/UC6IK65mL…

Predictive text is making me feel like my jokes are a little too…predictable.

Just completed a death-defying leave-home-for-an-hour stunt and survived without missing my iPhone delivery.

Map makers everywhere weep for the lost sales.

What US vote would get 84% turnout? What would it take?

Was the U2 silliness @tim_cook’s most masterful move as CEO? Do you hear anyone talking about the iCloud ‘hacks’ right now?

After I upgraded to iOS 8, the Twitter app (which I don’t use) settings got reset. So…the idea is my whole feed is in notifications now?!

Now at the age where if someone doesn’t match up to my cultural references, it’s more likely because they’re younger than me, not older.

So @att texts me that they’re raising my rates $25/month because I bought an iPhone & signed a 2-year agreement. I think? It’s bewildering.

Oh, just taking an hour or two to update the operating system on a phone I won’t ever use again in 3 days.

Though @___ was born after the Space Shuttle program ended, his PJs are still tiled with them. Where’s my, er, his SpaceX Dragon jammies?